Breaking Down
by AlekFoxx
Summary: Post Snowmen: The Doctor has been on his hunt for Clara and he happened to run into Jack. They'd travelled together, shagged several times at this point, but the Timeless Captain just finds himself hurting all the more because he knows that the Doctor wouldn't ever return his love.


He'd told the Doctor he was going to go to sleep and that was what his plan _had_ been. Jack laid in bed in his room on the TARDIS for what felt like a couple of hours now and just stared up at the ceiling, silently crying. It might have been one of his worst ideas, staying around when he knew his attachment would only get worse, but he couldn't help himself. He was tired of being lost and lonely and the Doctor was the prescription for that. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

Already, the Time Lord had asked why did he love him and honestly, he didn't know. Sometimes, when it came to moments like that, he wished he didn't so that way he didn't have to deal with the thoughts that came after and however long it'd been since asked that, he still thought about it. Because he was clever, handsome… He showed a large amount of empathy for most creatures, he helped people who had fallen mentally or felt like they weren't good enough. A generous man, one that didn't want to put his people in harms way, even though sometimes that was inevitable.

He'd changed a man from the 51st Century from a back stabbing, manipulative conman to the self-titled Captain he was that very day. A man that lost just about everything back on Boeshane and just kept losing more.

The Doctor was the only point in his life that didn't seem to die entirely and that was what he wanted. The immortal man was tired of being exactly that; immortal.

That was inevitable now though.

But holy fucking _Hell, _it hurt to love him. To love a fucking_married man_. Especially after being asked such a question, as if it were wrong.

To top it off, he didn't quite trust the Time Lord when it came to his vortex manipulator any more either. He didn't want to be forced away and left alone again and honestly, the idea of that terrified him at the moment. He _couldn't_ be alone because, regardless of being immortal, he wasn't sure how much of a danger to himself he actually was. He was so fucking broken and everything hurt, he just didn't know what the hell to do any more, which caused him to curl in on himself on the mattress.

The one thing he feared than the Doctor dying was the Doctor pushing him away because now that he didn't _want_ to go back to Earth, he felt like the Doctor was the only thing he had left.

And what hurt most, out of all the hurts that he could possibly be experiencing while being around the madman was the fact that he _knew_ that there was probably going to be another instant where he'd try to send him away.

Dammit, he just wanted the love that he'd gotten from Estelle, from Angelo… From John, from Ianto. He wanted it back because he was tired of hurting but in the end, even knowing that, for the time being, he had the Time Lord at his side, he was plagued to be alone for the rest of time, however long that would be.

Jack had grown used to the fact that the Doctor wouldn't be able to return his feelings. He accepted it, even though every time he saw that goofy looking smile or that thoughtful twinkle in his eye, it hurt all the more to be around him. So the Captain shifted onto his side and curled a bit, screwing his eyes shut and letting himself get tangled in the sheets.

Why couldn't he just get over it already? This attachment was going to drive him absolutely mad if it hadn't already and he didn't like it because he felt like he was already at his breaking point for a second time since running into him again. Half of him wanted to tear away, scream at the Doctor that he hated him and just leave, even though they both knew that even if he tried to hate him, that was going to be nearly impossible. The other half wanted to stay, to try to give him more of the happiness he'd seen in earlier days, before he was abandoned in Earth's future but his past. So he just cried. He curled tightly and let himself break down in the dark of his room, fisting the sheet under him as he shook a bit.

He didn't realise he'd left the door open a bit.

He definitely didn't realise that the Doctor stood outside the door for a little bit, listening to the timeless man let out soft whimpers as he tried to cry himself to sleep.

He didn't know that though the Time Lord's face was expressionless, his eyes were sad and his thoughts were torn between wanting to respond to the Captain's love and keeping him pushed back because he knew the attachment wasn't safe for Jack because even if he wasn't exactly certain if it could be anything more than flirting, shagging and friendship.


End file.
